


Started with my Sweater

by sammy252



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Cuddling & Snuggling, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-29
Updated: 2020-12-29
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:54:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,851
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28398780
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sammy252/pseuds/sammy252
Summary: Remus' feeling toward Sirius finally become clear to him but he's too self conscious to act.
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 4
Kudos: 45





	Started with my Sweater

**Author's Note:**

> -TW: Remus has a mild panic attack at the end (only a few sentences)  
> -Mention of the book 'The Picture of Dorian Grey' by Oscar Wilde. Which has gay undertones to it so I thought it was funny.

“Morning Padfoot”, Remus yelled as he saw the curtains to Sirius’ bed move.

“Mfph” Sirius gargled from inside his curtains. “Too early,”

“It’s time for breakfast Pads,” James said as he got dressed.

The three boys Peter, James and Remus got ready for breakfast on the chilly Friday morning in December. James and Peter had woken up a little earlier than Remus. The full moon had been Tuesday so Remus could use the extra 30 minutes of sleep. “See you guys in the Great Hall,” James said as he left the room.

Peter followed him out, “Yeah, don’t be too late.”

With that they left the room, Remus was almost done getting ready but everyone knows if you leave Sirius half-awake he’ll just go back to sleep. So Remus stayed until Sirius was finally out of bed.

“C’mon Padfoot, you gotta get ready,” Remus said while standing right outside the closed curtains of Sirius’ bed.

“Fine” Sirius mumbled and pulled back the curtain.

Revealing a half naked Sirius who was stretching his arms out then swung his legs over to the side of the bed, his feet dangling before touching the floor. Remus froze at the sight of Sirius’ bare chest, torso and arms, his breath hitched but once thrown from his daze stepped back towards his own trunk. 

“Alright Moony?” Sirius asked in a low morning voice.

The deep voice caused Remus to shutter, “I- Uh- yeah I’m good,” He said, turning away from Sirius to dig through his own trunk for nothing.

“If you say so,” Sirius said, passing Remus to get to the bathroom.

‘Oh my god, oh my god’ Remus thought, ‘Did that really happen? Why do I feel like this?’

With this new panic Remus attempted to leave the dorm in a hurry but while trying to keep his head low to hide the blush across his nose he ran into James’ bed post.

“Moony, are you alright?” Sirius said while exiting the bathroom.

“Yeah, yeah, just still a little tired” Remus responded, keeping his back to Sirius.

“You’re acting weird. I know you think you can keep secrets from me but I’ll figure it out one of these days.” Sirius said jokingly.

“Hmm,” Remus mumbled in agreement as he reached the dorm door.

“Oh Remus, Can I borrow one of your sweaters? It’s real cold today and all of mine are in the laundry,” Sirius called out before Remus made his escape.

“Yeah, go for it,” He said as he closed the door quickly behind him.

There was a muffled thank you through the door but Remus rushed out of the common room before he could respond. He walked alone to the Great Hall overwhelmed with his new emotions. He had never felt this way before towards a bloke before and only a couple girls but thinking about Sirius was a much more dangerous situation. But maybe he was just overthinking things, maybe it was a one time attraction and hopefully any feeling would disappear before dinner. 

Remus arrived at breakfast a little unsettled by his thoughts but hid them as best as he could, “Sirius up?” James asked.

“Yeah, uh, he was getting dressed as I left.” Remus said as he sat down.

“Good, hope he wasn’t too much of a bother. He can be a git in the morning,” James said as he took another bite of his toast.

“Uh, yeah,” Remus said in agreement but was slightly confused.

Sirius was always grumpy in the morning but never when he was alone with Remus. He seemed more relaxed and comfortable with Remus. But Remus tried to shove the thought to the back of his mind while he ate. 

As always Remus was taking his sweet time with different kinds of jams and jellies on his toast when the Great Hall doors opening caught his attention. No one else seemed to notice due to them being deep in conversation but Remus looked up to see Sirius wearing Remus’ favorite sage green knitted sweater under his robes. Remus stared at him entering the Great Hall until Sirius flashed him a smile and walked up to sit next to Remus.

“Thanks for letting me borrow it,” Sirius said, gesturing to the sweater.

“Of course,” Remus mumbled out shyly.

“What’s up with you Remus?” James asked.

Before Remus could respond Sirius spoke up, “I was asked him the same thing earlier. He is definitely thinking about something serious or maybe he has a secret.” Sirius said, getting more excited with every word.

“Maybe he overheard something and is just dying to tell it,” James said, trying to egg Remus on.

“Maybe,” Remus mumbled and took a bite of toast.

Breakfast continued as normal but Remus could feel Sirius looking at him multiple times. Remus refused to return his gaze incase of another freak accident like this morning.  
Once breakfast had finished everyone headed their first classes, Peter to potions, Sirius to Arithmancy then James and Remus to Transfiguration. Throughout Transfiguration James tried to get information out of Remus but he didn’t budge at James’ questions. The next class was Arithmancy for Remus. Luckily for him there weren’t any of the other Marauder's there to bother him.

While passing in the halls and sitting in classes Remus tried to keep himself focused but the sight of Sirius first thing in the morning kept crawling back into his head. And knowing that Sirius’ body was currently in one of Remus’ favorite sweaters made his breath hitch and grow uncomfortable in his seat.

Once his first two classes were done it was time for lunch. Remus attempted to prepare himself for Sirius’ appearance but as he entered the Hall he watched Sirius throw his head back in a laugh. Remus gasped at the sight of Sirius’ exposed neck and felt blood rush down between his hips. Remus realized and felt blush start at his nose then reached his ears. Hopefully none of the Marauder's saw Remus quickly turn on his heels and rush out down the hallway or else more suspicion would have been raised. Remus quickened his pace with his bag brushing his side, not knowing where to go but had to get distance between himself and Sirius or this could get ugly fast. In a split moment decision Remus darted to the back of the Library to his favorite study table. 

It was a small wooden table Remus had spent many hours at before. There was a large window next to it but the sun was never too bright to blind him, always just creating a yellow and orange glow to the area. The table was in between many bookshelves so it created nice peace and quiet for studying and less distractions. 

Remus slouched down in the chair trying to calm himself, letting his bag fall to the floor being weighed down by the abundance of books. 

‘Why now?’ He asked himself, but then he thought more and maybe it had always been there.

The times he would get butterflies when Sirius would throw a flirtatiously wink his way. Or how his cheeks turned rosey when Sirius’ leg brushed against his own. Or how he watched Sirius’s hands when he wrote. The list grew longer and longer, revealing Remus’ secret desire for Sirius’ affection. Remus groaned aloud at the realization and put his head in his heads with his elbows resting on the table. This definitely wasn’t going to be gone by Dinner. 

“Hey Remus!” A voice called out.

Remus’ head shot up out of his hands to see James walking up to him. “Oh, hi.”

“Thought I might find you here,” James gestured to a chair, “May I sit?”

“Of course” Remus said, adjusting himself to sit up straight. Luckily most of him had calmed down in the past 10 minutes. 

“Well, are you going to tell me why you aren’t at lunch?” James asked suspiciously. 

“I- Uh… I have to study for Astronomy,”

“Remus,” James said while arching his eyebrow, “Your bag is on the ground and there are no books or parchment on this table. Tell me what’s really going on.”

“No, no it’s fine,” Remus said, not meeting James’s eye contact, “It’s really nothing.”

“Is it Sirius?” James asked, Remus paused trying to find an answer, “Was he being a git to you this morning? Because I’ll go talk some sense into him right now-” James said, getting up from his seat.

“No James, it’s not Sirius’ fault.” Remus blurted out, trying to stop James.

“Oh,” James said and settled back into his seat, “Is it because of Sirius though?”

“Uh, er, yeah,” Remus said, beginning to stare at his feet.

“Remus, you can tell me what’s bothering you. I’ve known you for six years, I can tell when you’re bothered.”

“Well, I realized I like someone. And there is no hope of them liking me back,” Remus said, hoping James would connect the dots.

“What does that have to do with Sirius-? Wait, no way, really?” 

“You can’t say anything,” Remus snapped back.  
“Of course, I promise,” James said, trying to compose himself, “Are you freaking out because he’s wearing your sweater?”

“Yes, that among other things.” 

“What other things?” James started, “Actually, I don’t want to know. How about we swing by the kitchens to get you some food?”

“Thanks, I’d like that,” Remus said, feeling better.

Together they walked through the halls and snuck into the kitchens. Both grabbing small sandwiches then hurrying to their next class, James to Charms and Remus to Astronomy.

Remus couldn’t focus on Astronomy at all, instead his mind kept panicking about James knowing. ‘What if he told? What if he was actually disgusted?’ But with all his thoughts whirling around, the only thing that mattered was that he trusts James. All he could hope was that James kept his promise.

  
After Astronomy Remus walked towards the Gryffindor common room, hoping to get some studying done when Sirius cut in front of him. “Hey Moony!”

“What’s, er, up?” Remus mumbled.

“Feel this,” Before Remus could react, Sirius placed both of his ice cold hands on either side of Remus’ face, “Just walked back from Herbology. The greenhouses are so cold but your sweater kept me surprisingly very warm.” 

“Um,” Remus said, tripping over his words, “There’s actually a warming charm on it too.”  
“My gosh Moony! You are so smart!” Sirius exclaimed, dropping his hands and pulling Remus into a hug, “And warm too.”

Remus couldn’t help but smile at the compliments and how great it felt with Sirius’ arms around him. Remus hugged back for a short while until Sirius let him go, “Are you excited?”

“For what?” Remus asked, genuinely confused.

“For the weekend! You’ve been in the library all week, I’ve barely gotten to see you!”

“Really miss me huh?” Remus said playfully, trying to ignore his own butterflies.

“Yeah,” Sirius mumbled and turned quickly to enter the common room.

Before he turned Remus swore he saw Sirius begin to blush. Maybe it was just his imagination but something was definitely there. Remus took a moment to smile to himself and think ‘What if Sirius felt something similar?’ but he shook it off and headed into the common room. The common room was very still besides some light David Bowie playing and Sirius jumping into the large armchair close to the fire then almost falling out of it as well. His moments of clumsiness almost make him more lovable.

With that, Remus sat on one of the couches closer to the fire and took one of his books out of his bag. He had found a couple Muggle books hidden in the library last year so he was finally coming around to reading them. This month he had a book called ‘The Picture of Dorian Grey’ by Oscar Wilde. The only thing that caught Remus out of his reading was Sirius leaping out of the armchair and up to the dorms. Remus didn’t think too much of it until he saw Sirius reenter the common room. Sirius had simply taken off his robes for the evening, leaving him in his black trousers and Remus’ sage green sweater. Remus grew significantly the past few years, leaving the others behind in height, so the sleeves fell over his knuckles and the end of the sweater fell almost to his mid thigh. He looked adorable in the sweater. Not the sweater, Remus’ sweater. Sirius returned to the armchair a little calmer than before. When he sat down he brought his knees up to his chest and tried to snuggle into them, having Remus’ sweater to help.

The song ‘It Ain’t Easy’ faded out and the next song began ‘Lady Stardust’. Remus’ favorite. The man described in the song always reminded Remus of Sirius, another thing to the list. Sirius must have noticed Remus’ light swaying along with the music and walked over to him, “Moony.”

“Yeah Padfoot,” Remus said looking up at Sirius.

“Can I sit with you?” Sirius asked, pulling out his puppy dog eyes.

“Uhhh,” Remus hesitated due to any ‘physical’ reactions.

“Please Moony?” Sirius asked, pulling out his puppy dog eyes.

“Alright,” Remus gave in.

A wild smile grew on Sirius’ face as he sat down to the left of Remus, drew his knees up and leaned against his shoulder, “What ya reading?”

“The Picture of Dorian Grey,” Remus mumbled.

“Hmm,” Sirius hummed, pretending to be in deep thought, “Never heard of it.”

“It’s an old Muggle book,” Remus said softly.

“Hmm,” Sirius hummed again, this time sleepily.

“Tired Pads?” Remus asked gently.

“Huh? Uh no,” Sirius said, trying to sit up straight but failing.

“It’s alright Pads, it’s been a long week. Get some rest,” Remus whispered and reached his hand up to touch Sirius’ jaw, “Rest well.”

Remus tried to continue reading but with Sirius’ light breathing, he would never be able to focus. Sitting so close to Sirius was simply euphoric but it reminded Remus of how he could never get closer. Sirius would never like him back. There was no hope for that dream. So Remus left Sirius rest, he wanted this to last a lifetime or as much as he could get. Remus was in his own head when James walked up to him with a smirk, “So, did you tell him?”

“No, not yet. He’s just tired,” Remus said quietly.

“I think It’ll be alright, good luck,” James encouraged and walked to sit near Lily Evans.

Now with James bothering Lily, the rest of the common room becomes more lively. But Remus refused to move from Sirius, no matter how many game invites or offered places to sit, Remus wouldn’t move. After a loud crash from a table, Sirius began to stir, a low groan from him gave Remus butterflies.

“Hi,” Remus spoke softly.

“Hi,” Sirius said while adjusting his eyes, “What time is it?”

“Almost 6. Everyone else was about to go down to dinner.” Remus whispered.

“So just going to leave me here then?” Sirius jokes.

“Never, I was planning on staying til you woke up,” Remus added without thinking.

“When’s the last time I told you that you’re the best?” Sirius said, tilting his chin up to look at Remus.

“Can’t remember, you could always say it again.”

“You, Remus John Lupin, are the best.” Sirius said, sneaking an arm around Remus’ torso to pull him into a hug.

Remus trying not to laugh, “Since when do you know my middle name?”

“Since forever!” Sirius said, gaining his energy back and tackling Remus into a bone-crushing hug. “Padfoot never reveals his secrets!”

Together as a laughing mess slowly got up to leave for dinner, others had already left then James joined the laughing two and walked all together. Dinner was just like normal except for Sirius was a little more affectionate to Remus and whenever something like that would happen James would raise an eyebrow or sheepishly point. Which all of these things caused Remus to be a blushing mess throughout the meal. Dinner ended and everyone headed back to their common rooms. Once they got back Remus returned to his spot on the couch, this time without Sirius and just watched the chaos unfold from his friends. James began trying to levitate an armchair while Sirius tried to get in it. Then when Sirius eventually fell the two boys began to duel and throw non-harming hexes at each other, creating havoc across the room and Remus almost falling off the couch from laughing. 

After a few hours of games and socializing, most people headed to their dorms and went to bed. Peter had gone up to their dorm to get some work done and after another hour the rest of them followed up too. Peter was passed out on his bed with parchment and books all over, Sirius digging through his truck for his clothes, James in the bathroom and Remus waiting to change in the bathroom. Then Sirius perked up, “Moony, why do you always change in the bathroom? Seems always like a waste of time.”

“Uh,” Remus hesitated, then mumbled quietly, “The scars.”

“What did you say? I can’t hear you.” Sirius said, turning himself to give Remus all of his attention.

“Scars, Padfoot,” Remus said with slight annoyance in his tone.

“Oh right. Well if it counts for anything I think your scars make you look pretty tough.” Sirius shrugged.

Remus smiled slightly to himself, ‘Sirius thinks I look tough.’ But even at the compliment Remus waited til James left the bathroom before shuffling in himself to change. He changed out of his trousers and into his pajamas then took off his shirt but did put his new one on immediately. Instead he looked at his bare chested reflection in the mirror. He tried to convince himself of Sirius’ words but the only seemingly true thought that came back to him, ‘I am a Monster.’

With the new negative thought in his head, Remus attempted to pull himself back together. Putting on his pajama shirt and taking a few deep breaths, he left the bathroom far more upset then when he entered.

“Hey Remus, did you get the Transfiguration notes from today?” James yelled.

“Yeah, they should be in my bag,” He said pointing to the bag on his trunk, not bothering to look up to James.

“Thanks Remus,” James responded less enthusiastically than before. 

Remus felt James and Sirius exchange glances but didn’t bother with telling them off, “Night Lads,” Remus said and climbed into his bed.

Remus was nowhere near tired but he couldn’t stand to talk or even look at people while he was in this headspace. He’s explosive. Dangerous. He stared up at the red canopy hanging above him and subconsciously felt under his shirt, up and down at his scars. ‘Monster. Monster,’ repeated in his head. It was nothing he hadn’t heard before but he thought he was over it. ‘Monster. Monster,’ He felt his face begin to heat up and his breathing grew heavier, feeling a lump in his throat. With a sudden movement he threw off his sheets and shirt as he gasped for air. 

“Moony? Are you alright?” Sirius said sleepily from his neighboring bed. Hours must have passed since Remus had gone to bed. “Moony?”

“I’m fine,” Remus finally breathed out.

“I don’t believe you,” Sirius said with a rustling of his sheets.

“Padfoot, I’m fine,” Remus said, very unfine.  
But Padfoot wouldn’t listen to his protest and there was a swift pull of the curtain. Revealing Remus, the pink sweaty mess. “Moony, What happ- am I allowed to touch you?”

“Yeah, It’s alright.”

Sirius jumped up onto the bed and wrapped his arms around Remus gently. “Can you tell me what happened?”

Remus quickly ripped himself from Sirius in realization, “I’m so sorry Sirius,” he reached for his shirt.

“Moony, Why are you apologizing?” Sirius reached out to stop Remus.

“We hugged. Your bare chest felt my bare scars, that had to be gross, uncomfortable.” Remus said, not meeting Sirius’ eyes.

“Slow down, Moony, look at me.” Sirius grabbed Remus’ hands. “Breathe with me please.”

“Okay, okay.” Remus breathed.

Sirius held Remus’ hands in his and together they took deep breaths, “Better?” Sirius asked sincerely.

“Yeah,” Remus was thankful for the boy’s company and his mind grew clearer.

“If you don’t want to talk I understand but I’m not leaving you Moony,” Sirius said, not letting go of Remus’ hands.

“You should get some rest Padfoot-” Remus started.

“You’re way more important Moony,” Sirius said loudly. “And you need sleep too, which you clearly aren’t getting.”

“I’m actually slightly tired,” Remus admitted.

“Good, lay down,” Sirius gestured enthusiastically.

Remus smiled and rolled his eyes but gladly took the spot on his pillow. Without much room for second guessing Sirius laid down right next to him. Both on their sides facing each other. 

“Hi Moony,” Sirius whispered.

“Hi Padfoot,” Remus responded.

“I loved my nap today, your boney shoulders are surprisingly comfortable.”

“Thank you I guess,” Remus smiled. Sirius laughed but it quickly turned into a chill. “You cold Pads?”

“Yeah, a little.”

Remus pulled up the duvet and wrapped Sirius into it, leaving his arms around Sirius slightly. “Better?”

“Why are you so warm Moony?” Sirius said and leaned closer to Remus.

Remus rolled his eyes and cuddled closer to Sirius, and after a few moments of silence Sirius spoke again, “Moony, can I ask you something?”

“Of course,” Remus responded while completely enchanted by Sirius laying next to him.  
“What did James mean earlier by ‘so, did you tell him?’”

“Uh,” Remus hesitated, “You heard that?”

“Yeah, what did he mean?” Sirius repeated.

“Nothing important, Pads, I promise,” Remus said sleepily.

“Whatever you say Moony,” Sirius mumbled tiredly.

Shortly after, Remus thought he could hear Sirius’ light snoring into his chest. Remus smiled at how loved he felt with the other boy. Maybe Sirius didn’t love him in the same way but at least he made Remus feel safe, comfortable. Thinking Sirius wouldn’t feel the same, Remus whispered lightly to the room, knowing the sleeping boy wouldn’t hear him, “I wish I was yours.”

“Then be mine,” Sirius whispered back, not opening his eyes. 

“You're awake?” Remus said completely flustered.

“I could hear you thinking. And I wasn’t going to let our- my Moony overthink things,” Sirius corrected.

“Padfoot,” Remus hesitated, “D- Do you actually like me?”  
“No, Moony, I adore you,” Sirius wrapped his arms around Remus the best he could and kissed him on the cheek.

Remus blushed scarlet and smiled in disbelief, “I adore you, Padfoot.” 

Remus pulled Sirius close so his head was in the crook of Remus’ neck and planted a light kiss into Sirius’ hair. With that, Sirius kissed Remus’ collarbone, which happened to be the beginning of a long scar that scraped across Remus’ chest. Remus partly tensed up in fear but was put at ease when Sirius kissed it again and again. They fell asleep tangled together in each other’s arms.


End file.
